Week 2 Story: You're Not Ready Eddie McNeddie!
It was a bright and sunny morning but this wasn't an ordinary morning for me. Today was the first day of college at the prestigious McMardigras Academy. This school has produced some of the most famous rappers anyone has ever known as stated in the flyer and I, Eddie McNeddie, get the opportunity to cement my own legacy at the academy. "Eddie, hurry up and get dressed we don't have all day" screamed Dad. Persuading my parents was not an easy task as i recalled the days of hearing the good ole "Be like your cousin Dean and go to college for medicine" and "Music does not pay the bills"and so on and so forth. I literally did everything except bring them a million and one dollars on a velvet pillow to convince them that this is not a useless investment. Throughout the summer, I had a little bit of local fame here in this small city of Orangeade, FL with my hit song, Eddie Draped in Fetti. The fame eventually led a recruiter to come into town and personally extend an acceptance letter into the school. That being said, i am seeing this school as an opportunity to strike while the iron is hot and help me elevate my music to the next level working with top notch sound engineers and producers.
With my tuition check and dreams in the hands of Boresi, I was given the option of deleting the song that has brought local fame to my name and the opportunity to attend a prestigious or letting my dreams go to waste along with my parents money and faced with the possibility of being brutally beaten. With that being said, it was then and there that i came to a sudden realization...I was certainly not ready.
As i come downstairs all dressed up and ready to go, I get the good ole speech of come home every weekend along with getting smothered with kisses from both Mom and Grandma. I was out the door and ready to be on my way to Tropicana, FL. My dad kept giving me a speech of how I will not make any money and i will be living in the street or busing tables. I assured him that it was the right thing to do but in reality one thing he said went out the other. When we finally pulled up to the school, I was taken aback at how big the place was and how nice the town that the school is located in is beautiful. My dad unloaded the luggage from the car and after our exchanged goodbyes i made my way to the financial aid office. When I got there, I met a 7 ft guy who was really buff and looked menacing. "HOW CAN I HELP YOU" he said with a thunderous and intimidating manner. "I was looking for a clerk so i can cash my tuition check" looking confused he said "Financial Aid?" and then recollected his senses and said "Oh yeah, shes on break due to a family emergency but i can take your check for you". Hearing those words alone had me convinced enough to hand him the check and be on my way but that was not the case.
Once i turned around to leave the room, I suddenly see 3 other big men crowd behind me. Me wondering what was going on, I turned back around and see a short man dressed in an expensive suit come from behind the big man and command me to sit down. The whole ordeal had me scared, confused, and also thinking about the times my parents had warned me about these situations. The man had introduced himself as Mr. Boresi, the most dangerous mob boss in the city known to some people but others know him for his ice cream business and generous donations. Boresi mentioned that my song was seen as a slap in the face because his nephew is a founder and creator of Fetti's rival brand, Saratoga. After he said that, Boresi then told me that the building we were in was not precisely the financial aid office rather it was where the financial aid office was before they decided to move it to another end of campus.
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| (photo: Eddie's Check) |
Bibliography: The Tiger, The Brahman, and The Jackal by Joseph Jacobs. Web Source
Author's Note: This story is a complex spin of The Tiger, The Brahman, and The Jackal. I told the story through the main character and implemented traits of the Brahman into the character. I switched the focus of the story to a similar focus with the Brahman's (Eddie) life being up for grabs by the tiger (Boresi) and the jackal (7 ft man) but instead of being losing a life, the main character is faced with losing his dreams which is as precious as his life.
Hi Charlton,
ReplyDeletei would say that i love the way you told the story. Maybe because your story has something familiar with the Eastern culture around me. Father and Mother and my relatives always told about what should i learn, about what major i should take. Now, i realize that being around with my loves these are the most treasure moments i have in my life. I really hope that Brahman (Eddie) although facing difficulties, still can overcome this.
This is also my wish for you Charlton.
Hi Charlton! I was not expecting the mob boss and his cronies to corner Eddie in the financial aid office. It was such a great plot twist, looking back I can see the warning signs that the big buff dude gave but when I was reading it I was totally clueless. I also really liked that you focused on a bigger topic, like not having your parent’s approval and having to fight for what you want over what everyone else tells you that you should want. I am really curious as to what Eddie would choose in his situation, he seems so proud of his music so I’m sure having to delete the song would be crushing to him, but on the other hand admitting defeat and going back to the disapproval of his parents might be even worse. If you want, you might see what the story would look like if you started a new paragraph every time a character spoke. It might make the story less confusing to read. Eddie’s character was so fun to read about, I would definitely read a sequel story to know what Eddie decides.
ReplyDeleteHi Charlton,
ReplyDeleteI was not ready for Eddie McNeddie. At first the story was fairly lighthearted, although it had some serious topics. I did not expect the sudden serious turn toward the end of the story, though. One question that I had while reading the story is what is Fetti? I'm not sure if it's something you created for the story or if I'm just out of the loop about it. The main reason this caught my attention is because Boresi's motivation is that Fetti is a rival brand of his nephew's. One suggestion that I have for possibly improving the story is that instead of having Eddie summarize for us what Mr. Boresi says, you could add dialogue for Mr. Boresi. I think this could help the reader visualize what's going on and make the story more exciting and dynamic. Overall though, I did enjoy the mix of serious and non-serious tones in this story.