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https://sites.google.com/view/charltons-page/youre-not-ready-eddie-mcneddie
Introduction to a Social Introvert
Hi, My name is Charlton Nwaefulu and I am a senior here at the University of Oklahoma and will be graduating in December. I am from Mansfield, TX and i transferred to this school in the Fall of 2015. I am an Economics major/MIS minor and a cool thing about my major is that it is versatile so i could literally work in a lot of fields without having to attain a specific degree. I didn't really have a favorite class from last semester due to the workload/scheduling but if i had to choose then i would say that a class that i liked the most then it would have to be Economics of Discrimination because it broke down the economics of topics such as marriage and earnings and the costs of getting married and divorce. We also talked about wages and earnings between men and women regarding race. My biggest accomplishment from last year was that i was able to pass my classes because i was in 3 Economic electives for my major and an MIS class so juggling the...
Hi Charlton!
ReplyDeleteI have read your story and explored your website. I thought this was a really cool take on that story and almost thought this was going to be a storybook - not a portfolio. I think that would be something cool to see it keep going because I was not ready for it to be done. One thing I would look out for is the way you indent your paragraphs and some grammatical errors like punctuation in sentences and inside of quotation marks. I was a little confused on how and why he made music so I think expanding the story more and giving background information would be helpful. I loved this idea and I hope to see more like it soon!
Danielle
Charlton, I just read You're Not Ready, Eddie McNeddie and I love the fact that we, as college students, can all resonate with Eddie and his troubles. I like how the first-person narration in this story helps us get an understanding of Eddie's personality. If you were to add anything to this story, you can maybe consider making the situation more intense by making the guy that Eddie asked for direction to the Bursar office offer to walk Eddie there and instead of the Bursar office, he walks into a sketchy place and is confronted by Mr. Boresi and his men. I think that would be a really good place to get people really into the story, as it is the climax and you can use language that evokes imagery of Eddie being in a really terrifying situation where he is truly pressured to make a decision that he doesn't want to make.
ReplyDeleteHi Charlton! I enjoyed reading 'You're Not Ready, Eddie McNeddie!' and 'Dezus and Friends'. The introduction, told from Eddie's perspective, really grabbed my attention to see what was going to happen on his first day of school! I would suggest to break your third paragraph into two paragraphs because it is pretty large compared to those around it. You could start the second paragraph with 'As I came downstairs...' I think you could continue the story with a little more dialogue between Boresi and Eddie to create a better understanding of why he came to the sudden realization. Introducing some information about the 'cream of the crop' characters first was a great idea because the reader can appreciate them more while hearing about their adventure. You could add in why the snake stole the pearls and sold them to the evil king to add some perspective. Overall, great job on your project so far!
ReplyDeleteHello Charlton! I just got done looking at your portfolio. I am actually taking the Indian Epics class but decided to check yours out for comments this week. I enjoyed reading both of your stories. Your portfolio was easy to navigate and it was simple. Your titles were great by the way! I really liked that you decided to use first person because I have not seen a lot of that in the stories. It really adds to a story in my opinion. You may be able to break it up in a way that is consistent so that you do not have a very lengthy paragraph followed by a short dialogue. Even though the story was easy to follow, this might help give it a better format. Overall, I really enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteHey Charlton! [side note – cool name] Took a look over your portfolio project! I enjoyed reading your story “You’re Not Ready, Eddie McNeddie!” Loved the rhyming name and the title. I thought it was great how you took a more classic story and “college student-fied” it. I haven’t read the original story myself, so I did wish you expanded the description of it a little more in your author’s note so I could see the parallels between the remake and the original story. You did have a brief one in there, but I just was curious to know more about the original. [I am a part of the Indian epics class though, so your description might be fine for someone in your class that has read the story before] I also have a portfolio website and recently added brief descriptions of each of my stories onto my intro page. That would kind of be my only other recommendation! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Charlton! I loved the stories you've chosen so far for your portfolio! I really enjoyed the poetic style you used for Dezus and Friends. It can take quite a while to perfect a story when you're writing that way, and you did a great job with it! I also liked the way you made Eddie McNeddie seem like any other college student. I remember having the talk with my mom about what major I wanted to take when it wasn't what she wanted me to pursue, as well as the way they always want you to come home on the weekends or whenever possible. I can't imagine the terror on his face when he discovered the mob's dislike of his song. I'm surprised they had that type of reaction to the song, I would have imagined they'd try and steer him away from Fetti and towards Saratoga instead. Great job with your stories so far!
ReplyDeleteHi Charlton! I just finished reading the first story from your portfolio, You’re Not Ready, Eddie McNeddie! From the start, I enjoyed the name you gave the character and the name of his hit song. They seemed quite appropriate for his character. This was also one of the most unique stories I have read in this class since most of what I have seen do not have a modern setting or characters like this. I thought of the movie Pitch Perfect while reading this story, since the main character in that movie is also trying to convince her family that music is the right career for her while they try to force her to go to college. The addition of the mob and its boss in your story was surprising to me at first, but I think you wrote that part in a way that made sense. Overall, I thought your story about Eddie McNeddie was interesting and I hope to read more from you in the future!
ReplyDeleteHello Charlton!
ReplyDeleteI found your first story, "Your Not Ready Eddie McNeddie!" and I found it very intriguing. I like how you have written the story from a first-person perspective. This allows the readers to know exactly what is going on inside the main characters' head, without the distraction and sometimes confusion of what the other characters are thinking. I think you did a great job at developing the relationship between Eddie and his parents. I think it is a typical college student-parent relationship. I also like how you incorporated the tension between Eddie and his parents about his career choice.
I was surprised at your connection to the Tiger, the Brahman, and the Jackal. I think you created a wonderful story that supports the major theme in that story, but your story provided an interesting twist that modernizes the original story. I really like your idea to have the mob boss as the tiger. The only thing that I saw that was confusing or unclear was in your author's note. I think it is just a typo, but you mention which character is which from the Tiger, the Brahman, and the Jackal and your story, but you say that Eddie is the Brahman and the Tiger. I think you meant to say that the mob boss was the tiger. So, other than that simple fix, your story is well developed and sets the reader up to read the next story.
Hey Charlton! I really like your portfolio! I think it is well put together and it is easy to find your stories. My only suggestion would be to maybe add a link to your comment wall at the end of the stories. That makes it much easier to reach this page directly from the story. I read your story, "You're Not Ready Eddie" and I really enjoyed it! I think it is something all of us college student can relate to in some way. I think your writing style is really interesting and fun. I also really enjoyed how you have written this from first person perspective. Good job on this project and keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Charlton! I just read your story Peasant Marries Princess and I love the trope of the poor guy getting the girl because true love reigns over all. I think it would be interesting to add a part into the story where Sam, Amelia, and her boyfriend work in a group together to foreshadow Amelia's acceptance for Sam. You could maybe do this by showing how they were friends during this time and not just groupmates. I think that if I wrote the story, I would have made it seem like Amelia's boyfriend was lazy and didn't care about their project because he was too busy doing stuff with his fraternity brothers and this left Sam and Amelia having to spend days together alone working on the project and getting to know each other. I think the story would be much more full circle if you show why Amelia would marry this guy outside of the reason that he knew the answers to the three questions that her father was asking
ReplyDelete1. Hi Charlton! I just read your “You’re Not ready Eddie McNeddie!” story. I like how you told the story from Eddie’s perspective instead of your own. It made the story very easy to follow. I like the modern twist you put in this story—how a young kid has a dream and his parents want something else for him. There was the surprise factor at the end when the mob came for Eddie, and I totally was not expecting it so great job! I think the language you use is very insightful and makes the story easy to follow along with! I urge you to keep writing with this style and I look forward to reading more from you. Next week, I will make sure to come back and read the story you just posted because I have enjoyed your stories so far!
ReplyDeleteHi Charlton! I started by reading your first story, i really enjoyed it! the way you started the story was great because i felt like i was immediately introduced to not only the main character but also his personality. I enjoyed how you chose to use so much dialogue, it really helps bring your character's personality shine through. By bringing in the other characters i felt as if i were actually there. After reading your author's note it was amazing to see how you made this story your own. you obviously have a very creative mind and it was fun to have read that story and connect it to the story you wrote. The ending was unexpected and your writing made it even better to read. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHello Charlton!
ReplyDeleteLet me first start by just saying your name is really cool! It makes me feel like you were meant to tell us tales of old. Your stories covered such a wide array of material and did it in such different ways throughout! I especially enjoyed your first story, "You're not ready, Eddie McNeddie." The way you structured plot points in the paragraph and then incorporated the dialogue around it made the tale flow with such ease. The way you modernized the story really helped me visualize what was happening. I think it is important to make the tales relevant to the current audience otherwise their message will be lost in the old age. I am looking forward to reading more of your stories as time goes on in this class. I think the way you have crafted these stories is very immersive. Keep up the good work!