Week 3 Story: Unlikely Heroine
"Elizabeth, my dear daughter you will one day become a great wife to a fearless and powerful man" proclaimed a gravely ill woman on her deathbed speaking to a young girl. The gravely ill woman is Elizabeth's mother and the young girl is Elizabeth. "Mommy please don't leave me i am just but a young girl" cried out Elizabeth as she saw her mom draw her final breath.
Young Elizabeth is now an orphan. Her father passed away from a terrible car accident 5 years earlier and now her mother is gone. She is left to care for herself with no next of kin being near her to take her in. She endured very hot summers and very harsh winters, scrounging around for food and shelter. She hopped from shelter to shelter during the winters to keep herself warm and while in those shelters after crying and grieving, she began to wonder what her mother meant when she said "You will one day become a great wife to a fearless and powerful man".
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| (photo: Shrine of Esther and Mordecai) |
(10 years later)
While going to the supermarket to get dinner for a friend she is staying with, Elizabeth begins to still question what her mom told her 10 years earlier. After readily going on dates with some of the most good looking men in the city, Elizabeth felt like none of them were the man her mom described. While in the grocery store, a man had bumped into her. startled he said "Sorry I did not mean to collide into your cart". Elizabeth with no ill will happily accepted the apology but then the man began to study the facial features of Elizabeth along with a gift that he noticed he had sent to her via package years back. After questioning his intuition, he musters up the courage to say "Elizabeth?" and she responds back with a simple "Yes?". The man then busting out into tears then reveals that he is her uncle Alfred and that he had been looking for her for the past 10 years and assumed that she too had passed away due to the magnitude of her mom's illness and the potential that she too could have contracted the illness.
Elizabeth being shocked to the core questioned if this is the truth. "How do i know you are telling the truth, most people try to take me in just to have some kind of house girl" she said. Alfred begins to show her pictures of her mom and him in the past and Elizabeth begins to tearfully realize Alfred is telling the truth. After the encounter in the supermarket, the two of them go out to dinner where Alfred begins to explain what made him come to the town of Baronias. He then reveals that not only did he come to find her but he also came out to look for a wife for the king of his homeland Dioas with two of the court officials Ramsey and Linus. Intrigued, Elizabeth begins to ask about this King and how he came about. "Oh he's a wonderful king, King Marthis. He's powerful, fearless, wise, anything a woman of his choice would desire". Even more intrigued, Elizabeth wants to meet King Marthis but downplays herself. Alfred then states that her marrying the king would be perfect because then it will put an end to the long war between the two cities. Alfred then starts to warm up to the idea but warns her about Ramsey and Linus along with the King's trustee, Lambeau.
"Come with me to Dioas, You must marry the king and put a stop to those wicked men. They have smiled to the face of the king but speak evil of him when his back is unguarded. With you by his side, you can be able to get his head on straight and also allow me to expose the royal fools' plans to kill him with the woman of their choosing to be his queen. Questionable at first, Elizabeth eventually goes through with the plan and they gear up to head to Dioas to save the king.
Back at the kingdom, Ramsey and Linus begin to introduce King Marthis to potential candidates to be his queen and he is not impressed by any of them. The women were beautiful, smart, and have skills needed to become a perfect queen but the King thinks that they were missing something in particular. "Your highness, you have rejected every single fair lady that has come across your way" said Linus. The king then acknowledges his statement and then tells them that only he will know when the right woman will come through the door. Outside the kingdom, Ramsey is calling for the woman who they plan to use to poison the King to come into the kingdom. Ramona, the woman that is used for this devious plan, enters the kingdom to the King's approval. "She's gorgeous, where did you find her". "Shes one of the most beautiful in the land sir and she will fulfill your needs". Ramona had everything the king had asked for but what really won over the king was her set of blue eyes. "I must marry her and then feast with her after the ceremony" the King declared. As they are getting ready to declare Ramona the official queen of Dioas, Alfred and Elizabeth storm into the kingdom to the surprise of everyone and the dismay of Ramsey and Linus.
Authors Note: The story is loosely based on the Book of Esther 1 with some elements of Esther 2 mixed into it. Elizabeth is Esther, Alfred is Mordecai, and instead of having a main antagonist play Haman, I had added two antagonists to reflect him along with Ramona acting as the wife of Haman. Although there is no set time period, It is assumed that the time period is sometime in the 19th century. Instead of riding out the story, I decided to end it on a cliff hanger to add some suspense going into the conclusion of the story.
The entire story was attention grabbing to me from the very beginning. I wish there was more backstory on what family the girl belonged to because her uncle said that her marrying the king would end the war between two cities. If she was of some importance then she should be able to have a home. Also the timeline confused me as well because it said that the uncle bumped into her cart at the supermarket but to my knowledge there is no supermarket back then and no carts.
ReplyDeleteI immediately knew this to be the story of Esther before getting to your author's notes. I was confused at first because of you mixing the ancient story and timeline with a modern day twist, but I do think it worked well, because there are still arranged marriages today, so who's to say you couldn't do a modern-day twist on an old Bible story? Many fairy tales are given modern twists for movies today, so why not do the same with Bible stories. Excellent work there!
ReplyDeleteHello Charlton,
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I enjoyed you incorporated both stories into on cohesive piece that was easy to follow and engaging to read. I find your storytelling quite interesting. I wonder what this story would have sounded like from a first person point of view as if you the writer were Elizabeth. I feel like this switch could have provided a more personal aspect to the story as if we were with her through this story instead of watching her from the birds eye view. However, I find your use of dialogue and scene setting very useful. I originally missed the ten year later heading and was confused until I went back and reread. Maybe centering text like that would help readers instead of having it off the side, it might also have served as a nice break in the format. But anyway, I really enjoyed your story and the way you chose to tell it. Keep up the good work!
Hi Charlton!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story! Your cliff hanger definitely had me wanting more.
Was the kind going to change his mind and marry Elizabeth? Or would he get poisoned by Ramona? I thought the cliff hanger idea was smart even though I feel like I need to know what happens.
Do you think if Elizabeth's dad had not already passed away and she was not an orphan that she would still have found her uncle? Therefore, having the opportunity to marry the king and save him? Maybe it was fate no matter what her parents situation was? I think that is something interesting to think about.
I wonder what the king would have chosen if the story had continued. In my mind I see the king seeing her and knowing instantly that Elizabeth was his true wife. But maybe that isn't the case and it takes something drastic to happen before the king realizes the truth and the plan that was in play.
Hi Charlton! I really liked the build up in the story but I wish that there had been a bit more of a back story. I was a tad bit confused when Alfred entered the picture, a little more of an introduction to him and his back story would have been great. The time and the place also seem a bit out of place, the fact that she is shopping in a supermarket and going between different shelters make it sound like it is in the 21st century but the dispute between the 2 cities and having kings sound like it belongs in biblical times. I could definitely see this story becoming a short novella or similar though, as there is so much to unpack!
ReplyDelete- Anna Margret